It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place this world is when one is playing golf. ~Robert Lynd

I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game: it's called an eraser. ~Arnold Palmer

Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course - the distance between your ears. ~Bobby Jones

Golf is like a love affair. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. ~Arthur Daley

Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can't play it. ~Ted Ray, Golf - My Slice of Life, 1972

Golf is like an 18-year-old girl with big boobs. You know it's wrong but you can't keep away from her. ~Val Doonican

Forget your opponents; always play against par. ~Sam Snead

They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. ~Gardner Dickinson

I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies. ~Will Rogers

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. ~Sam Snead

What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive. ~Arnold Palmer

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. ~Phyllis Diller

Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour. ~Author Unknown

A game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood. ~Author Unknown, plagiarized from the Samuel Johnson quotation

The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for front-line workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become. ~Author Unknown

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. ~Dean Martin

Golf is a good walk spoiled. ~Mark Twain

If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business. ~Joey Adams

Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one. ~Martha Beckman

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. ~Author Unknown

Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver. The sand wedge is far more effective. ~Huxtable Pippey

Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course. ~Lee Trevino

I've spent most of my life golfing... the rest I've just wasted. ~Author Unknown

My handicap? Woods and irons. ~Chris Codiroli

The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things. ~John Updike

Even God has to practice his putting. ~Golf Saying

Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And it took a seven to do that. ~Jim Murray

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top. ~Pete Dye

If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron. ~Lee Trevino

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. ~Jim Bishop

I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of them. ~Harry Toscano

The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life. ~Chi Chi Rodriguez

After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. ~Chi Chi Rodriguez, on his Puerto Rican accent

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch. ~Lee Trevino

One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot - the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something. ~Peter Jacobsen

You are meant to play the ball as it lies, a fact that may help to touch on your own objective approach to life. ~Grantland Rice

Through years of experience I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt. ~Jack Nicklaus, on why he tees his ball high.

Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. ~Tommy Armour

Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five. ~Paul Harvey

The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows. ~P.G. Wodehouse

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray. ~Lee Trevino

A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well. ~Author Unknown

Golf is a game in which the ball lies poorly and the players well. ~Art Rosenbaum

Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off. ~Chi Chi Rodriguez

His driving is unbelievable. I don't go that far on my holidays. ~Ian Baker-Finch, on John Daly

Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing. ~Ben Hogan

What's nice about our tour is you can't remember your bad shots. ~Bob Bruce, about the senior tour

Golf is golf. You hit the ball, you go find it. Then you hit it again. ~Lon Hinkle

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~Jack Lemmon

I don't like watching golf on TV. I can't stand whispering. ~David Brenner

Baseball players quit playing and they take up golf. Basketball players quit, take up golf. Football players quit, take up golf. What are we supposed to take up when we quit? ~George Archer

Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. ~Harry Vardon

A golfer's diet: live on greens as much as possible. ~Author Unknown

Born to golf. Forced to work. ~Author Unknown

My body is here, but my mind has already teed off. ~Author Unknown

Find a man with both feet firmly on the ground and you've found a man about to make a difficult putt. ~Fletcher Knebel

If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using "an outside agency" and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf. ~Henry Longhurst

The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. ~George Deukmejian